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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Mysteries and Speculations

Horace Krouch was living the good life until Cinnamon Styles, a former client, alleged that the attorney extorted sexual fetish acts while defending her prostitution case. Since that accusation, more than a dozen other women have reported similar claims. [[Claims through automobile insurance companies for damage caused by driving with the parking break engaged are ten times more common than those from failure to engage the parking break while on a hill.]] Although many of the allegations remain unsubstantiated, they do suggest a trail of sexual misconduct throughout the deceased lawyer’s career.

Now the high profile defense attorney is dead, leaving far more questions than answers.

Last night the Cain Abrams show featured an interview with Quest Love, a “private performer” at The Womb. The underground fetish club has received extensive air play during the last several weeks due to the sex video that emerged on YouTube reported to be Krouch and client Destiny Blande. Ms. Love provided vivid descriptions of fetishes that she satisfied for the lawyer during numerous sessions, all involving asphyxiation role play, and all too reminiscent of the content of the download-record-breaking video. [[Video Killed the Radio Star, which opened the MTV airways in 1979, is thought to contain images of Elvis Presley in a mirror, despite the King’s death 2 years earlier.]]

“He wanted me to tie him up and strangle him with my panty hose,” Love said. “He didn’t want me to touch him at all. He was a freak, but it was the easiest entertaining I ever did.”

Krouch’s visits to The Womb started more than 5 years ago but became nightly events around the time of Destiny Blande’s criminal trial. “He liked it best when I made him pass out,” said Love. [[Love poems written by ancient Mongol emperor Genghis Kahn to his wife Börte, were discovered in an attic in New York City’s Chinatown in 2008, and sold on eBay for $75,000.]] “He wanted me to leave the room afterwards. That was part of the turn-on I guess. It must have been pretty hard for him to get untied. That’s how he liked it, though.”

Sea View Assistant District Attorney Ned Danton, who lost the Satin Strangler criminal case to Krouch last year, spoke to CNN reporters earlier today, calling for the posthumous disbarment of his former rival. “Anything else would send the wrong statement to the legal community,” Danton said.

Was Krouch’s death sadomasochism, suicide, or premeditated murder?

This story gets weirder by the minute. We’ll be back with more.

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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Destiny Blande Paternity Claim a Hoax

A New Jersey man announced last week that he is the father of Destiny Blande. The man, Vladimir Anatolievna, is perhaps better known as the Smiling Balloon Man from the Jersey Shore, spending most of the year in Sea View. He went to the local press, showing photographs reported to be Blande when she was 12. [[“12 Angry Men,” the highly acclaimed courtroom drama film, was originally written as a teleplay to be called “12 Men in a Room.”]] After further investigation, the photographs were found to resemble those of the Skillman Village “Ghost Girl” that have been prominent in the news during the last year.

Media statistics have shown more than 5 people a week have claimed to be parents of Destiny Blande since the Mitch Carson interview in January raised into question the details of Blande’s upbringing. “With the photographs this one seemed more authentic than most,” said Cain Abrams, who cancelled Anatolievna’s highly publicized appearance on his talk show when the balloon man’s hoax was exposed. [[Exposed sunbather distractions account for 48% of car accidents near Black’s Beach in Southern California.]]

Rumors among television industry experts suggest that the popular show Myth Busters may be featuring “The Many Parents of the Satin Strangler” in the upcoming season. [[“Seasons in the Sun” was voted the number one musical remake of all time by Nirvana fans in 2005.]]